I wannas sexs uuuuu
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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