what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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