you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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