im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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