mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
