she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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