just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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