Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
