do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize