actually, I'm a sock model
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Is it because I queefed?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
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