FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
