tonight lets celebrate not being married
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
wow bdsm is so cute
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
