Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Randomize
