would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
