Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
