I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
