apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Randomize
