Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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