So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
