spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
