I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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