if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Randomize
