Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
