You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
