I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
