I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
