She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize