It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
