guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
