I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
