her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
