Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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