Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
