good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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