her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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