Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Randomize
