He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
