I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Every concussion has its silver lining
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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