Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
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