I'm drive I can fine osifer
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
