Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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