i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize