im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
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