did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
