You're so nebulous sometimes
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
