my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Randomize
