So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
