I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
