my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
