I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
