Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize