There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize