Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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