I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
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