While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
