Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
