2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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