the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
