dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
