Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Randomize