i think my tv is drunk
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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