Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
a search helicopter?!
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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