the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
