I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
